Old and New Beginnings

Reflection on beginning, fear and the search for sense in modern world

I had the idea to start this blog since I can remember, it has always been with me - showing itself by means of inspirations and dreams, but still remaining hidden from me in plain sight so long that it took me years to finally find it. Few weeks ago I finally reached that place, I made the Substack account, I set it up and I was on the brink of writing a first post - but since then silence.

I could jest here and say that it is silence of three parts, but the point here is that it was a silence coming from fear. I was paralyzed with the world of possibilities on how to introduce myself, how to best showcase what I want to achieve, how to even begun trying to translate what I have in my mind. I went over so many ideas that finally I just stopped caring - I overtaxed myself without even starting. I wanted to build this perfect thing, this place for myself where I can finally starting sharing how I see the world with hope that I would be to grasp it better, live a fuller life and maybe maybe with a shrink of hope inspire others.

Yet, by setting this bar so high I defeated the whole purpose of discovery. And today of all days when the walls have been knocked over, I finally understand. The point is not to aim for the best, it is not even to aim for anything in particular. The point is just to start and nurture - like gardening. You plant the seed and you nurture it, you do not think about how to place the leaves so that it would yield best fruits, all you do is take care of it. The structure, the shape, the fruit will come later. All one can focus on is to just to start, even though it may seem chaotic at the beginning or not enough - like a puzzle that is missing pieces - that is the point. The message will clarify itself not in a given post, not in few posts, but in the whole piece of work.

After all of it, I can finally start.

Start what? Trodding a new path in a journey that I am already on - the journey of trying to make sense of life. It has been shaping me my whole life, at first in smaller parts, mostly subconsciously - through dreams and interests. A year ago finally I was able to start grasping the reality, and what I feel inside - the feeling that the most of the modern world is just meaningless. So for me it is at the same time a place of old and new beginnings, a point in time that marks a new road, extending from a well known path.

All I can promise that I will be trying with all my power, which is a fickle thing, to find my own version of truth. By doing that out in the public, part of me hopes that it may spark something for others. That is the whole idea behind Light The Beacon.